I want to encourage you to lean towards working on yourself. There is much I would like to share with you on the subject of healing but ill keep it brief as conversations here take a while. Based on the fact that you were in an abusive relationship for an extended period and atleast considering dating the same person there is a strong chance that eventually you will find a version of abusive behavior that will resurface as time passes. So I ask you this why are you even talking to him? Are you scared of being alone? So a bad partner is better that no partner? Healing requires a form of emotional surgery and surgery is usually painful. It is worth the pain to heal in the end. I am a very strong believer in the power of the subconscious and think that your partner is an extension of you. From your post I got the feeling that you work hard at controlling most everything in your life. But also that you are afraid to trust yourself emotionally. Intellectually you do well. I expect that you are attracted to negative relationships because you fear the opposite which is a good healthy love and trust filled one. Intact I believe that as you truly heal you should expect to lose interest in your current partner. Over time he will look different to you unless he chooses to heal also. If however he only chooses to heal to keep his relationship with you then ultimately you will walk away again. Feel free to send me a pm as I have more questions and thoughts to share!