Quote:
Originally Posted by sandysay
I've been married to a schizo-affective for 12y. He has been on disability for about that long too. So, when we would socialize, he wouldn't want to tell anyone that he wasn't employed and he'd lie about what he did and couldn't keep his lies straight. Eventually, I stopped doing anything w/anyone b/c his schizophrenia and lies made relationships impossible.
He has no healthy friends, but one schozophrenic and one bi-polar friend. Their relationships are bizarre and he says so too. But, he can be himself and talk about his illness to them. He thinks he can only have friends who also have a mental illness. No one else would understand him.
Well his beliefs, lies to family and friends, have made me a friendless person. He is home all day and I can't have anyone over b/c they may ask why isn't he working, is he off, when does he work. I stopped lying, but b/c I can't answer their questions, I have to be alone.
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This is a problem generated by our society, which has put the belief in people's heads that you're only worth something if you are making money. It's a horrible thing and it's terrible that your husband is ashamed and feels he has to lie. There are people in this world who do not value people by the amount of dollars in their pocket. It takes learning to understand that anyone who shames you for being disabled is not worth your time. They are the ones who have the problem, and their eyes are clouded by the demon we call money and it is filling their hearts with hate.
You are your husbands caretaker and caretakers can also benefit from talk therapy. Have you tried therapy to try to work through some of this? Also your husband might want to talk about this with his therapist and learn strategies to better cope with his feelings of shame on this issue.