Hi everyone, it's been awhile since I posted anything here. I was OK for awhile until now. To make a long story short, I've been married to my husband for almost 20 years. As the years went by, especially after we declared bankruptcy in 2004, he became more controlling and tight with money. Even when he had it. He blamed me for most of the bankruptcy although 90% of the debt was incurred due to HIS business expenses! He owns his own business and paid a lot for an ad in the yellow pages back then.

It took years to get out of debt. Since we didn't have much then, and still don't (according to him), I had to rely a lot on MY own credit cards that he paid the payment on up until he started to threaten me with divorce. This was nothing new as this has been going on for years. Anyways, he didn't pay ANY of my credit card bills for years! He just stopped paying even the minimum payment on ALL of them telling me that I'll just "fill them up again". Ugh! Since then creditors have been harassing me, threatening to sue me, but he told me that they can't collect on any debt now due to the statue of limitation. I just found out that even if you agree to pay a small debt, that statue of limitation ends.

We fought about him ruining my credit for a long time! I have almost NO access to most financial statements other then what I see in the mail. I'm lucky that he even still has me on the joint account! Up until a few months ago, I have NEVER withdrew ANY money from our account! I only did so once when I ran out of money when he was on a trip as he didn't leave me much and he told me that I could withdraw only a small amount due to not having enough money.

Well, that was a total lie! The teller wrote down the amount of what was in the checking account, at it was for $8600 at the time! I was shocked! I don't work so I rely on him for money. He only gives me $100 a week for food, gas, and whatever else I need. We live in one of the most expensive places in Ca. and that amount barely covers the cost of food alone! Gas here is now around $4.00 a gallon! How the hell can I get by on that? I can't, so I have resorted to taking money from his wallet.

There have been times where he has over $1000 in $100 and $20 dollar bills. I have taken up to $400 or a little more during those times. I hate doing that, but I have to do what I have to do to survive. He has given me as little as $20, 40, and 60 dollars a week in the past! No joke! I foolishly believed him since he says that we owe $52,000 dollars to the IRS still and that we could loose our house!

Well, our mortgage is 2600 a month. With 20,000 in the bank now, I'm sure that we're OK for now! I know that monthly payments can be made to the IRS and he's on some kind of payment plan, but he won't tell me what it is and how much he's paying them each month or if he's even paying them at all! He has gotten more and more controlling and mean since I stopped working in 2000.

It was due to my mental disabilities and giving up on looking due to getting fired at jobs that I hated so often. I also had one issue with getting caught shoplifting that affected my ability to find a job. I didn't want to do it, it's just that he gave me so little cash most of the time and I didn't have a credit card to use, that I resorted to stealing stuff.

Please don't judge me for this. I learned my lesson the hard way and I haven't stolen a thing from any store since. Needless to say, that didn't help things between us. OK, so since I found out that he was full of crap and now hiding money in his car which I can't get to instead of his wallet, I had to resort to withdrawing money w/o asking him. I asked him during our last fight a few days ago if it would've made a difference if I asked him or not and he said no.

He then threatened to take my name off the account. Luckily he didn't which was a real surprise knowing him. I did make a few $200-300 withdrawals three or four times a month. One time, it added up to being a little over $1,000. He really lost it then. So I thought that if I kept the amount smaller, it wouldn't be so bad. I could understand his getting mad at that amount. I told him directly and honestly that $100 a week is a joke considering how much he has in the account.

I don't spend recklessly. I just buy food, gas, get a cheap haircut at the nail salon once a month, go to the Drs. for meds (sadly, that's all I can afford to do now as we no longer have any insurance). He thinks that I waste money on Drs. and he dismisses my back and foot issues as BS. WTF? I have to ask him for money to get treatment for our two cats when they need it.

I haven't had ANY medical tests that I badly need done such as needing to get a blood test for diabetes (I'm pre-diabetic). I suffer from bad back pain and I can't go to the chiropractor or even get a massage that often since he's so tight with money and he won't give me money for much in the way of healthcare! He tells me that I'm a "hypochondriac", ugh!

During our most recent fight, he was so mean and called me stupid and a fat lazy slob and why don't I go out and get a ****ing job like usual! I'm thinking that I should tell him that I know how much he has in the account and to give me more money. If he doesn't, I'll use that as my defense for needing to withdraw money here and there. Not because I saw a dress I want. Although I do need clothes here and there sometimes.

Is there anything that I can do about his very nasty attitude and temper? How can I get him to listen to me and be empathetic and caring about my health issues? He almost never gets sick, and when he does, he never goes to the Drs. He see's them as being unnecessary unless it's some emergency or a limb is broken. He isn't this nasty to anyone but me! He is nice to his friends and family but he treats me like ****! I'm afraid that if I make another withdrawal, that he will take me off the account.

What should I do? I can't live off $100 a week! I'm not on disability as I probably don't qualify for it since I haven't worked in 13 years and I need work credits for that. I was so stupid back then as I should've gotten on it sooner. How can I get him to be more fair? Why is he being so controlling and not giving me more when he clearly has more than enough to pay the bills and the IRS it seems? I'm not asking for a lot! An extra $100 a week would be OK although that'd be hard to get by on some of the time here too.

He argued with me before that a lot of people get by on a lot less per week with families. I know that's true, but that's because they don't have a choice! He is deliberately controlling the finances and he seems to enjoy the fact that he's depriving me of my needs. He told me that he doesn't trust me. I know that I've made mistakes in the past, but he hasn't been perfect either. It's time that he gives me a break and stops being so cheap and controlling! I'd appreciate any helpful tips and advice. Please, no judgements on how you think that I deserve this or whatever.

I am looking for work now and have in the past but I have no real skills. I only have a h.s diploma and a couple of years of community college. I didn't graduate from college. I used to work in retail, customer service, and office jobs. I hated all of the jobs and dealing with difficult people at work and the customers. I'm not suited to deal with the public although I can, I just barely tolerate it. Until I find another job I will probably hate, I'll have to rely on him.
I'll have a hell of a time getting a job due to not having worked for so long plus the shop lifting incident along with a first time DUI from 2011. I'm NOT a bad person although this post sure makes me sound like one, lol!

Should I risk taking a little more from the account or not? What should I say to him that'll get him to let me take out a little out now and then w/o his permission? I feel like a kid being dolled out an allowance. This is financial abuse!