Thank you for validating my thoughts. You've helped me answer a question that I keep asking myself. "Do I even want to forgive him?" The answer to that is of course, yes. The next question I asked myself was "Okay, so you want to forgive him, but how in the world are you going to be able to?" Everthing is so tainted now. I know it was 8 years ago, but in my mind that equals to over 2,000 days that he's kept it from me. And to answer the question that other posters have had about why he was telling me now, I did ask that question when he told me about the affair, and his answer was that he couldn't live with the guilt anymore. I know that if I want to save my marriage, I just need to talk to him about it. I can't continue quessing why he hasn't approached me to discuss it. I guess the only thing I'm basing my confusion of why he isn't "begging me" on is that I know that if the tables were turned, and I had the affair, and I was remorseful and serious about working through it, I would be asking to go to marriage councelling, and asking what I can do to prove that I am sincerely sorry. But that's who I am. I can't begin to guess what he is going through. I appreciate the links that you sent. They are very informative, and a great tool for someone who has never been through this.