You say you have been married twenty years and you now reside in CA. Have you always been in CA? It is my understanding that in CA if you have been married at least ten years you will get alimony and/or a division of assets.

You should talk to an attorney to confirm that is true in case you and he will divorce at some time. If it were me though I wouldn't mention to your husband that he would owe you alimony because I would not trust him to hide assets or even harm you to prevent you taking 'his' money.

If you both want to stay married do you think he would go to counseling?