I didn't want to make a "fuss" in my post in Depression, or to worry anyone. Things are very bad here though. I've been feeling very scared and traumatised by some issues and events in my life, including my husband's health.(although he is better than he was now, I am not ...) In fact, things have been really bad since my father's death earlier this year.... I'm only now making the link.

For the last few months I've been really struggling to function anywhere near "normal" in real life ..... recently in particular I've been curled up in a ball on the bed just trying to survive a lot of the time I'm not sure what's going on... I can only think that it's partly old trauma that has come back to haunt me. I feel so so scared and depressed. I'm trying not to cut. I was traumatised by my former therapist and also by a counsellor but things are so bad now that I have no option but to insist on professional help (having been fobbed off too many times by various NHS doctors, and private shrinks too) I have underplayed my distress when seeing these people.... and taking (mega doses of) meds beforehand (diazepam) meant that my extreme and distressing anxiety wasn't so apparent

But now things are so bad that I can't continue to "cope" as I have done... badly I know. I have to get real time, "real life" help. There have to be some good doctors out there although I have seen many who I've found worse than useless. I put in an emergency call to my local GP practice today and they said they will call me back.

Like I said, I won't be posting for a while (and maybe never).... I am probably too emotionally vulnerable and fragile for the internet. I hope I'll be able to keep in touch with some of my friends I've made here privately.

Love,
Fuzzy