Healing work, to be become ready for the next relationship, a healthier relationship, involves numerous things and working through defining of self. It may result in becoming a pickier, choosier person, but your sense of integrity will shine through.

It can involve, therapy, self work or a combination of both. Figuring out your placement on the Erickson Theory Stage, can indicate what parts of self need to be resolved, worked through. Exploring your own identity and what precisely your needs are in any relationship. Learning how to effectively be in touch with any feeling you may have in the moment, and being able to articulate those feelings in an assertive, yet non combative stance. i.e., calmly, rationally, logically.

The energy spent on healing work, may one day, translate into a better tomorrow, relationship wise.

Because, when one is able to articulate, with a level head, to a new partner any concern one may have, the positive feedback will leave one feeling like they've come a long, long way from the old ways. And it's a positive feeling. And if the partner, doesn't react, in a healthy way, to your healthy behaviors, then you will know, deep down, you weeded out a relationship that isn't right for you.

I hope you are able to grow from all of this. It takes time. Good for you, for expressing a clear boundary with your ex. "I will only consider, trying again, if you attend at least 6 therapy sessions."