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Having sex with someone else does not hurt me. In fact your partner having sex with someone else doesn't hurt you either. What actually (emotionally) hurts you is knowing that he had sex with someone else. Your bf could have sex with a hundred other people and as long you never find out, no harm ever comes to you (assuming he is engaging in safe sex). That should be kind of a red flag that there is a disconnect somewhere in your belief system when knowing about something is hurtful to you but that thing happening without your knowledge is not harmful to you at all.
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If a persons in an open relationship, naturally it doesn't hurt to find out the other is having sex. It
does hurt if one of the monogamous partners has sex....because there's deceit going on. All it takes is for one condom to break, where they might have to deal with pregnancies or STD's. Wonder if people know there's an antibiotic resistant gonorrhea. Another mouth to feed or a threatening STD does end up taking away from the partnership one thought they had. Naturally if we don't know something we're oblivious to the reality, which again is a deceit factor. If one assumes the other is exclusive, that persons not living in reality. Just because one is lying and the other doesn't know....doesn't mean we're disconnected in our beliefs..
The majority of the population believes in exclusivity. It can't be that hard to find women who are fine with multiple partners. If you don't want your belief criticized then why criticize ours. I don't believe forcing anyone into anything.