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Originally Posted by lynn P.
I already stated I don't judge poly-amorous, polygamy or open relationships as long as all are consenting and aware. Its not for me though. I have no idea why you're defending your belief when I've been the most reasonable person on this thread. At this point I feel you're nit-picking.
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I'm not sure how what I wrote got so severely misunderstood. You implied that I would not like my beliefs criticized. I was simply pointing out that quite the opposite is true. If anyone has any criticisms, they should bring them forth. I also agree with you that you have been reasonable in this thread. I don't know why you felt like I thought you had leveled a criticism against my belief and that I had to defend it (as you mentioned, you leveled no such criticism) or that I am nit-picking, nit-picking what I don't know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynn P.
I don't think I should have to defend my own beliefs.
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If you do not defend your beliefs, by what means do you ensure that your beliefs are reasonable to hold? Don't you feel that a belief should be subjected to scrutiny to determine whether it holds up? Surely you don't just hold any belief you feel like without any good reason.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynn P.
Telling white lies is nothing compared to sleeping with another person. Women especially connect emotionally with sex. If I assume my partners faithful and he's not - that's a big deceit. I'd be upset about the deceit and the act.
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So you agree with me that it is not the deceit but primarily the act. You would be upset about the act and also the deceit to hide the act
if you found out about it. Therefore it seems to me the most reasonable solution for someone who is in a long term relationship with you would be to have discreet sex with other people that is well planned such that you never find out. That would ensure both partners' long term happiness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynn P.
You're basically trying to convince us that your way is best and ours is wrong.
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I think this is a mis-characterization of the argument. I do indeed believe that most people who are monogamous do not have good reasons for their beliefs. It is also not true (as is often said) that people are entitled to their beliefs. A belief does not carry with it any sort of entitlement. A belief is a good one only if it is able to be supported by evidence and arguments. I do think that the great majority of people in favor of sexual exclusivity cannot rationally support their beliefs. Therefore, I suppose it could be said that I believe these people are "wrong" but I think it more accurate to say that I believe they hold untenable beliefs. However, I could be wrong about this as I could in any of my beliefs. Therefore I started this thread to hear what support sexually exclusive people have for holding the beliefs they hold. Some people have presented some reasons. I have responded why I don't think those reasons sufficient.
To be clear, here are the reasons I have gotten so far:
1. Sexual Health issues. People are exclusive sexually because they are afraid of STDs or unwanted pregnancy. This is clearly not true because when presented with a scenario in which these things would not be a concern, people still cling just as strongly to their belief in sexual exclusivity
2. It's the deceit. This is really just an argument for why cheating is wrong. However, it's still clearly not true because when presented with other instances of deceit, people are not nearly as upset by it if they are at all.
These are the only two reasons I have gotten from anyone so far. I am still waiting for anyone to provide any rational basis for sexual exclusivity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynn P.
When you're too old to have sex, which one of your partners will be there to keep you company? Do you form deep emotional connections with the women in your life? You must be one looker to have a variety of women on hand.
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This seems rather more like an ad hominem attack than anything but I'll briefly respond. I have never said that I do not want to be in a committed relationship. In fact, for me personally, I have little intention to seek sex outside of that relationship. When in a relationship, I tend to be sexually exclusive as long as sex continues to happen in the relationship. However, sometimes it happens I am at a party or whatnot and a sudden opportunity for sex presents itself. I don't see any reason to turn it down.