I just went through and read your initial posting under New Member Introductions.
Have you been able to attend, any Al-Anon meetings? Those can help, where she is working through AA? (did I remember that, correctly?)

It's a fine line, isn't it? The one, where you are trying to be considerate, and compassionate and giving all the room, in the world to breathe. Yet, with that lee-way comes your own discomfort levels, and insecurities, etc. You, are also, in a vulnerable position.

Her response, to your bringing this up, was to lash out at you, and it left you sounding more confused and concerned, than need be. I can appreciate that, about this point. It was the reaction, that you received from expressing a valid concern, that would do it, for most. That is, raise concern and result in a posting, much like this one.

Of course, it's her business, what does happen in her recovery process, meetings, etc, are made to be catered to those in recovery. However, this touches upon something, that has struck my funny bone, all these years about life, men and women, marriages, etc.

When you consider, IRL, how these recovery groups are set up, it's quasi-public, with some off-shoot group meetings. Yet, everything, is happening in larger numbers, so to speak. Now, I see you point, as valid, about private one on one communications between men and women, that are not in any way related.

There's something, that could be expressed, as you go through marital counseling. Conversing, in the open, even on-line, much like, me and you, right here, right now...it's out in the open, isn't it?? That's much more acceptable, in nature, wouldn't you feel?

I've seen, these things occur, throughout the years, not necessarily here, but elsewhere. And it just gets under my skin, regardless of whether I was directly involved, watching these things play out, in the past.

One thing, single man to single woman. Isn't it? That's where, I'd personally draw the line.

That's just me.