Thank you all for your hugs & kind words. I've been in such a dark place. Your replies helped.

One thing I wanted to say to Teen Idle: Your family is lucky to have you. I, too, lost a brother way too early. It tore my family apart & became a defining moment in our history. In a lot of ways, we dishonored my brother's life by becoming mired in his death. After she died, I started a charm bracelet of good memories of my mom, to help stop the bad memories of her dying a slow death from emphysema.