FKM, post full of wisdom as always
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I needed to comment on this that you said though, because it reinforces for me something that I think is received wisdom in therapy and not actually based on what clients might really need.
Quote:
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But if my personality make-up were to express my insecurity through a constant need for contact, I suspect he would have imposed strict limitations. It's not to punish or from a lack of caring, but rather to create and sustain a secure frame for the therapy work.
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This is very much the, if the client wants it, deny them (ostensibly in client’s own best interests) because give an inch they take a mile. If the client doesn’t want it, then it’s safe to push it on them because the T can be assured the client won’t ‘abuse’ the offer…
While I think I can rationally see what you mean when you talk about such denial creating a secure frame, I’ve never experienced it as particularly valuable or useful, to me it just recreates the denial and detachment and arbitrary control on the part of attachment figures I’ve endured all my life
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But I don’t mean to oppose you on this, as it’s pretty clear that what I’m needing, therapy by its very nature may not be able to help with anyway. I’m just struggling with it because I put a lot of hope in every T I meet and the needs get awakened every time and I end up floundering neither getting those needs met nor being helped to deal with having them. Being denied is not my idea of being helped to deal with my needs
