Amerikasend…
You bring up a couple of good questions, and I will try to answer them.

First good question;
“What is a spiritual disease?” and “how a spirit can get a disease.”

I would come to in the morning, not wake up mind you, but come to, and the first thoughts in my head were “when can I start drinking, how much can I drink and how can I get away with it.” Those thoughts dominated my mind. I could not unthink them. And I drank.

The next thought that was in my mind on some days was “I am not going to get drunk today, I am not going to make an *** out of myself again today. Not today.” And I meant it.

And yet by mid afternoon, I had just changed my mind, I thought a drink was a good idea. And once I start drinking, I drink until I am drunk out of my mind.

Knowing that to drink will mean my wife will leave me, my children will lose all respect for me, I will get fired from my job, or my liver will explode, I still CHOSE to drink. That my friend is the hallmark of my spiritual disease.

My spirit wasn’t sick, I was. I had put enough distance between me and this power greater than myself for this brand of madness to take hold.

“How can someone be powerless over what drug or drink they decide to put into their own body?”

I remember telling myself that today was going to be different, I wasn’t going to get loaded today. I had the power of choice. Or so I thought. But looking back on the choice I always made, to drink! I in reality had no other choice. I had to drink to preserve my sanity in the end.

“you made those decisions over and over to do that. Nothing was making you do this, but yourself.”

True enough. This disease, this spiritual disease, and it’s cure both reside within me. The madness that is active alcoholism, and this power greater than ourselves both reside between my ears. And I did have a choice. And that choice was change everything about me, or continue to drink myself to death. And that was just about the extent of my choices.

Amerikasend, I don’t know you from Adam, but here you are on a recovery website, and if I identify myself as an alcoholic, I don’t care how much will power I have, I will drink again. I always did. No matter if I believe it or not, I am, non the less, powerless over this spiritual disease.

It’s a good thing I do believe that little bit of truth about myself.

Richard