Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me
Through your words, are you implying that packing up your bags and leaving is 'silly'?
I agree with Ham-Bam, about finding someone to help you, as you pack your bags to leave. 'If I could, I Would, BUT I Can't', is negative self-talk that needs to be addressed by someone.
On one, hand, you mention you are afraid to do something silly--is leaving a crack and heroin addict, truly, that silly? So, he has thanked you for standing by him, in the past. You are not obligated to be his door-mat. I don't believe, he's using your anxiety against you, I feel there's something else, maybe your desire to be his only supporter in life? But hey, who knows what illnesses he could bring home one of these days.
With heroin, you are now, at high risk for HIV, due to syringe usage. What about that?! He's now establishing promiscuous behaviors? And that's nothing to stand by and watch unfold, is it?
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Sorry but to clarify, the something silly wasn't leaving, not in a bag-packing sense anyway, I see my ONLY way out is that my life ends. That's not a suicide threat, I would
never do that to my elderly parents, but I've stopped getting regular health checks/screenings as I really don't
care if I get seriously sick.
I don't want [nor did I ever want] to be his
only supporter, it's a massive strain, and has meant that any help for MY issues has gone on hold as his drug problem has taken all my time emotionally, and I've tried in vain to get extra support from
HIS family but they are the kind of ppl who sweep things under the carpet and have very ineffective ways of dealing with matters that call for any emotional input.
I'm not at ANY risk of any blood transmitted diseases as he's never injected any drugs, he smokes them, plus there's no physical relationship with this total pig as that's the last thing I want from someone who has no regard for my feelings or well being.
I can't physically LEAVE him and he's fully aware of that, which is why he feels he has free rein to do or say whatever he likes as he KNOWS I can't walk out the door. He knows this because I have panic attacks if I'm on my own for longer than an hour or so but that's under normal everyday circumstances. If he walked out and left me [which he HAS done even in the small hours of the morning] he
knows I will suffer serious anxiety attacks, so he
knows that I do all I can to avoid that happening. I have really no choice other than put up with his abuse, disrespect and constant bullying.
Last night he was on the sofa next to me messaging his latest female on his mobile right under my nose, I dared to ask him what he was doing and it all kicked off. I should 'keep my ****ing nose out' its nothing to DO with ME! It 'doesn't mean anything' he's just 'having a laugh, it's just a game' This man has no idea that the way he conducts himself in our marriage is unacceptable, abusive and completely demoralising to be on the receiving end of.
I just don't know what [if anything?] I can do about this intolerable situation. I've tried ignoring his behaviour but I can only do that for so long until my instincts to stand up for myself kick in. I've tried staying in another room away from him but that's just playing right into his hands in giving him the privacy he wants to carry on with these females on his phone. My Mum has spoken to him about what he's doing and it just doesn't get through to him at all.
Could his personality change be down to the long term abuse of crack/heroin and if so is the 'damage' irreversible?