thank you all once again for your good advice and kind words. I know I have to be more selfish in order to make sure that I get my time alone, which I feel I desparetly needed this weekend and was really looking forward to the quiet time. I am going to plan again to try to get away- unfortunately we have a lot of things going on this weekend with my family, brother and will have to wait until the 16th but I am going to plan again, and have already talked with my brother about taking my father and started talking to my husband about being a 'big boy' and staying on his own for a while so I can have some down time. I am going to try to work in some time before then to check out the meditation website that was left and see if I can mentally escape before then. Just coming in here and typing for a few minutes is a momentary escape - thanks.

My son still has not gotten back to me - with his address, phone # and location - this is weighing heavy on my mind and it does worry me that something will happen either here or there and I won't be able to contact him. I can't believe that at 23 he can be this irresponsible but I guess (well obviously) he can. It seems common curtesy to tell your family where you are and how to contact you when you are a long distance away. He will be gone for a year and has been gone for almost three weeks and I have only heard that he got there, the plane landed and he found his roommate and apartment. He would get back to me with more information.

I haven't been crying today - well I haven't cried yet today I can say that and that it is a good thing. I have had about three days (big accomplishment) in the past six weeks where I didn't cry all day. Before October 2006 I only cried maybe once or twice a year, this is a major change for me and one that I am having a hard time getting used to.

Thanks everyone for your support and thanks for having this site, where we can come and express our deepest scarry feelings without feeling judged or criticized. It is hard to express all of my concerns to some of my friends and coworkers, I start to feel like all I do is complain (I guess becuase that is all I do) but sometimes we need to get this stuff out and let our minds get it out so we can stop thinking about it for a while - maybe.