When you realize you have let loose on your husband, apologize simply and let him know you love him and discuss ways the two of you can help you recognize when you have a legitimate hurt you are angry about versus just any old thing?

I will get to explaining something interesting to me that my husband doesn't get, for example, and he'll ask, "Am I going to understand this?" and I'll think about it and wrap up the story or continue, according to what point I'm making and whether it really is important for him to hear or me to tell.

You could do something like that, have your husband ask, "Are you really angry because of a situation involving me or someone/something else?" and maybe that would calm you enough to either explain your issue with him with more respect for him or stop and apologize right then and explain the issue you have with someone or something else.

Of course, I have the problem too of not being able to judge what is that important sometimes; I will complain quite angrily about small, inconsequential things that could be discussed better in a request, reminder, or helping conversation; someone else's behavior is their problem, not mine but if it bothers me (my husband never dries his hands adequately or surfaces where he has been using water and it feels nasty to me and gets the bottom surfaces of paper bags, cardboard boxes, medicine, etc. wet and the bathroom counter, if I accidentally lean against it when I'm half awake, my pajamas will wick up the wet) I have to remember my husband is not doing it to deliberately make me angry and it will take some time and several requests, reminders and help to get him to make a change or for me to teach myself to check surfaces first before I use them (my responsibility and the only person I can control).