If that's the case, you might be lacking the influence of a father which is important
in a child's life.

Why not pick out an image of a man whom you have respected and thought highly of
in your life and pattern your behavior somewhat on the positive qualities that he
had? Incorporating a positive male image into your life may help you build the added
strength you need to feel that you are functioning in a healthy and competent way.

Your mother, by the way, was not as positive as she should have been. She never
should have sworn at you or hit or hurt you. Discipline is important in a child's
life, but there are better ways to do it than your mother did. Her method was
very hurtful to your little child within, but have courage; we all have been injured
in some way by things in our childhood. That's one reason we develop a protective
image inside ourselves to see that our little child remains free from bondage.

You need a good therapist to help you understand how to protect your little child
inside you. For the moment, until you get in to see a really GOOD therapist, try to
let the image of a loving and powerful man (who would be, naturally a very gentle
person--because it takes real strength to be gentle) be the father that you need
to protect you in your life at this time. (I have an image in my mind of both a
Mother and Father who protect my little child within from harm.)