We learn by interacting with ourselves and our environment; if you felt your mother and sister treated you differently, that makes sense that it could be what your feelings are about.

I liked your picture of feet story; I got braces on my teeth when I was 30 and when I got them off, my mouth had changed, was not "mine". I put my thumb in my mouth (have not sucked my thumb since I was about 4 :-) to test it and was quite unhappy because it is not the same mouth, "my" mouth.

Everything changes and it can be hard to keep up or want to keep up. I take it you were close to your father or the situation when your father was alive was something you would have liked to have been able to hold on to? Your feet have changed too, just like my mouth did, but the change is not so obvious or upsetting.

I think a lot about my childhood town (I'm 62) and how it no longer exists like I knew it. Yesterday my husband and I drove our grandchildren past the apartment buildings we lived in in the mid-1980's, across the parking lot from each other; I barely recognized them with their new paint, different fences and bushes and crowdedness, etc. We told our grandchildren a couple stories, memories, we remembered from our time there but then we left and came home to now.

Maybe you could do that, tell yourself stories from before your father died and then move on closer to now and tell yourself a story about what you are trying to do now with your life. Maybe you could practice moving back and forth and getting more comfortable with it. We can't stand still, we can't "fade to black" or do much of anything but keep trying to move forward the best we can.