I just looked at your Avatar. I had no idea that you are a woman until I saw that.
Still, I think the father image is important for you, not to imitate, but to have as
a protective force for your child within. That would be catastropic to try to
imitate that!

Your real help is going to come from an expert psychotherapist who can help
your mother image as you try to live a healthy life.

Sorry about the misconception of your gender.

Take care of yourself.