I am about three quarters finished with this book, "Loving someone with Bipolar Disorder". The book thus far is very informative and is giving me much insight into my partner. The goal is to ultimately provide the tools to improve your relationship by increasing real communication and stopping "bipolar conversations" and to identify triggers to reduce episodes all together. While, I love the idea of this, I have attempted and failed this far.

I feel like EVERY and ANY disagreement triggers an episode, sometimes conversations trigger episodes, sometimes, I have no idea whatsoever. I am frustrated and feel that I cannot express my needs or frustrations, which many times have nothing to do with "bipolar" but could be related to anything, work, time spent, schedules, etc...without it being "perceived" as a character attack and ultimately triggering an episode, which is full of anger and rage. I UNDERSTAND bipolar, but it is so hard and I often feel that I cannot verbalize anything out of fear it will be a trigger. I have tried to change my approach, rather then being direct, I have tried to say "I feel this way" or " I need this" That is generally met with "if you think I am such a piece of ***** why are you with me, find someone to meet your needs" and mania (anger/blame/ irrational) sets in for days. I understand this is an illness, but I am at a loss for how to effectively have a relationship. I am trying to learn how to communicate effectively despite this illness but am more and more defeated daily, I don't understand the anger.

I want to communicate, I want to have a RATIONAL conversation, I want to be able to believe and trust my partner and have the ability to tell her anything and I want to eliminate triggers. I want us to work, but somewhere along the line, this relationship cannot be purely bipolar, somewhere along the line, I need to not be a punching bag and have a little respect and I am trying to learn and be more gentle.

We recently decided to live in separate households due to serious issues brought upon mainly by the illness, while I accept it takes "two to tango" This bipolar is beyond destructive. I think she has been manic since that move, I try to help by asking how she is feeling, if she has been journaling, encouraging her to sleep,eat, etc.... Sometimes, I am able to get her to commit to a routine, many times not. She is sometimes consistent with therapy, sometimes not.

Sometimes I get so frustrated and tell myself- fine, she doesn't want to eat or sleep- why should I try to make her and have her tell me "Im not your project" Sometimes I get angry, sometimes I feel SO sad that she cannot understand how much healthier she would be if she would make a few changes.

I really am trying to understand this all, and figure out our normal, but I cant sacrifice all of me a long the way. Please help me- if you are a partner or bipolar, I need tips....advice, anything....