today I slept through or past to see my cop friend at 12am I am sure she understands I woke up at 4am and called her several times she wasn't answering then woke up at 6:30am called her again she wasn't answering just fell back asleep until 11am then got up and was alive for awhile before I hit the sack at 11:30 and slept some more until 1:21pm I left the house at 2:42 to get my meds...then turned back to see my PDoc. She had no good news just she wanted 1 self harm during the whole entire month before she allows me to have more pills then daily take them. Its like I have no life or near a time in my life where I am allowed to work...

I feel disheartened, sad, depressed, and wanting joy to come to my life instead of whistles of time