Quote:
Originally Posted by tigergirl
((((((((((feelingsoworthless)))))))))))
with all that is going on ... it would be great if you had some support and help; if your agoraphobia prevents you from going to a therapist (which is understandable if that is the case) ... have you looked at online therapists before? ... apart from that ... i'm glad you are here and posting, and hope that it helps just knowing you are being heard  |
Yes it does help to know someone's hearing me
I have my first phone counselling CBT session a week from now but I think that's intended to help me with getting out, I'm not sure if they'll take ALL matters into account, my other half's destructive behaviour and his disregard of my feelings - I hope so as that's a major hurdle in my life and very relevant to the situation as a whole. I've tried CBT before a few years ago but it didn't really help then, mainly as it seemed to revolve around focusing on how anxious I was whilst 'out there' trying to push myself to going that bit further all the time. I felt worse dwelling on just how BAD I was feeling, I have since found that trying to distract my thoughts away from the anxious feelings has a better outcome for me. Listening to my ipod while I walked for example. I will give CBT another shot, but I'm also thinking of trying hypnotherapy as a plan B if CBT fails.
Things came to a head today [again!!] and I completely lost my cool with him and told him to go. Within 30 minutes of him going he was msging me saying he could never live without me etc - which is something I've read that abusers often do when faced with the possibility of life without their partner. Of course I saw that as a shred of SOME sort of love for me but is it? Or is it just the fact he'd no longer have me as his emotional 'punchbag'? Or was it him playing the caring husband knowing that I would clutch at any olive branch he saw fit to offer as he knows I can't make it alone?
I agreed that we could talk [again!!!!] if he was willing to stop this msging of other females, he agreed he would, so he came home. But as soon as I saw his face I knew he'd relapsed with the drugs again!!! I told him there was no point in talking tonight while he was under the influence. Since then [6 hours or so ago] he has become more and more off with me and has reverted back to his sarcastic and nasty self - I give this man an inch and he takes a mile every time! Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Feeling pretty dis-empowered again tonight!