I am going through a bad time (mixed state), where I have periods of extreme anger. Okay when I'm alone or with friends, but I seem to let loose with my husband.

This morning, I was a raging bitc* with him, and I feel so remorseful. It's not me, and it's not the woman he fell in love with and married. He has stuck with me through so much over the past 2 years (physical and mental illness), and I'm afraid he will tired of it and leave me.

He says he is committed to me forever, but I still experience this fear. I wish I could just keep my trap shut when I swing to mania, but I just can't.

Why does this damn illness continue to fuc* up my life!?

Patience is what I need. Still at 25 mg lamictal only, and not going up to 50 until Saturday. Maybe things won't be quite so bad at 50? Taking 100 mg geodon at night, and 2 mg saphris and still feel this way. Plus, gaining a ton of weight (well, 10 lbs) on saphris.

OK, I"ll shut up now.