He does try to help.. But i get so scares of him.. And i really don't wanna go back to one.. i don't know how i would ever get better.. All i ever think about is what happened with Him... And then everything with my family second. i know i did a lot wrong.. i don't even know how to decribe it.. My friend tries so hard... i get so scared he will get tired of me and leave it hurts to think he might.. But then i still am scared of him and Jump when he comes near or asks something.. i get so afraid that i will disappoint him, that i try even harder to please him and then i get really stressed, and i have heart problems so it makes it worse but i can't help it... And i don't understand why i am so scared of him but i don't want him to leave or disappoint him... i feel like i fail at everything.. And can never please anyone.. i always worry about it.. i hurt so much from everything i started cutting my wrist to make it better.. Help with the pain.. i have been doing it since i was eight and He said i wasn't allowed and broke my hand for it and i never went to the doctor so it healed kinda weird.. But i still did it, i just learned how to hide it from Him.. And then my friend let me do it once because of how bad i was getting and it helped and i was able to be okayish for awhile and then a got really bad again and did it without telling my friend and accidentally cut too far and my friend doesn't let me do it anymore.. i feel like a freak...