@mojo321.....thank you for those links.....& the information......I know that I had a different kind of infidelity in my marriage.....it was with the IRS & him not telling me that he had received a letter or that he had blown it with the filing on my inheritance $ & I owed a huge amount even more with penalties & interest & when I found out, I also found out that he had never even talked to the IRS during those 10 months.....listening to a David Ramsey program once on the radio, he had made the comment that financial infidelity in marriage does the same damage as sexual infidelity. I got a "sorry" out of him.....& by that time I had moved 2100 miles away....but had invited him & our daughter to my farm for Christmas.....ended up kicking him out a few weeks later & sent him packing back to our Ca home.....just after that was when I found out about the IRS...that he had never said a word about.......all he ever said was that he was sorry that he had failed as a husband.....but he had already stated that it was his personality that was the problem & it was something he couldn't change......which is complete BS.....but I had no desire to have him back or go through any better marriage counseling than what we had gone through which was pretty much useless.

But what you said here made me realize that I was definitely expecting more than just a sorry I failed as a husband......but then some words I heard loud & clear in the background echo on our drive to my farm in that he stated that he expected me to continue tolerating him just as I had done for 33 years.....when over those 33 years there was nothing but fighting & a purely miserable life together.....something I had no desire to continue tolerating add to that his complete resistance & belief in his inability to change.....which has continued to be even more obvious with more financial irresponsibility that he has continued during these 6 years to the point where I am finally filing for divorce because I refuse to have him continue to financially ruin me.......& he never showed any remorse emotions but by that time I was limiting our communications to nothing but written email or texting as I required everything in writing because of his denials of what he would say.

@ImperfectMe I do know what you mean about wanting to hear or see something on his part to indicate where he's coming from & what his feelings really are about what he did & where his thinking is NOW in this whole picture before you are willing to forgive anything.....& that makes sense because there has to be communication regarding this whole situation & a good, deep communication to really KNOW where he is & what he's really feeling.

I look back at my marriage & it's amazing but over those 33 years, I realize that I never did know my H.....all I ever knew was this guy who was continually pushing me to do things that I knew were wrong financially......he was a nice person while at the same time, would tell you he was going to do something & turn around & never do it.....but I never knew what he thought or what he felt about anything.....& it's impossible to have a good strong marriage under those conditions.....you can co-exist...but that's about all.....guess it really depends on what each really wants from the marriage & when those desires aren't compatible....then it makes having a successful marriage that much more difficult.

Without communication you can't resolve anything......if you have analyzed as much as you can on your own, then it's time to work on resolving the issues together.