im still trying to determine what kind of break your husband had. I mean, was he mentally ill, something he could not control and had a breakdown because of the pressure or are we talking domestic violence anger management issues here? im guessing the second. you have been violated and you are angry, thus the need to retaliate. leaving is retaliating. he has no one to cook and clean and shop and boss around anymore. and your new life is going to be scary, very scary. but you have your rocks. sounds like you raised three good kids. they aren't going to let anything bad happen to you. they will help you get on your feet. in the mean time, you get a therapist like gayle suggested to help you work thru your marriage and divorce and all the changes in your life. good luck.