Here a link to the South Park episode where they make fun of AA http://mrtwig.net/ep/914.html

There is also a funny episode from Penn & Teller's ******** that makes fun of 12 Step Groups.

If you don't wanna drink or drug, but all your friends drink and drug. Then maybe you could seek out new friends. I understand it will not be very pleasant if you decided to stop hanging around your current friends and try to seek out new friends. I understand that would be a hard thing to do. But, that's could help you with your decisions on whether to drink or drug or not.

Does drinking or drugging make you feel good or not? Do you go overboard when you drink or drug? Perhaps you could try to moderate. I don't know how much you smoke weed or drink. You could try to find a therapist.

Here are some alternatives to AA/NA. They're pretty different from AA/NA, none of them tell you that you have a disease or you're powerless and only god can save you like they do in AA/NA.

www.rational.org
www.smartrecovery.org
www.unhooked.com
www.secularsobriety.org
www.moderation.org