hi henrydavidtherobot, I can really relate to your situation. I see people all around me having no difficulty making friends .. I on the other hand don't find it easy at all. I have an underlying belief that people aren't going to like me, want to know me, and so I go through life acting cooly and detached so I don't get hurt. When I'm feeling depressed, I feel alone, friendless and unlikeable, even though I know intellectually it isn't the case. When I'm feeling up I fell really good about myself and am able to connect more readily with people, and yet I still maintain serious boundaries to getting closer to others. When someone makes it clear that they want to get to know me, hang out, I get freaked out, like they want something from me, like a commitment or something and I scare myself off. Unless there's a sexual attraction, which seems to trump everything for me.

Regarding your situation, is there anyone who knows you well that you can talk to and ask them for honest feedback on how you come across to others? If you were able to do that, you might get some useful insight, but I think you'd have to be prepared for hearing stuff you might not like. Also, it must be really tough not hearing from your boyfriend, his not responding to your text and all. Have you thought about calling him and having a heart to heart? It might be nice to know where you stand.

Hope things are going better for you.