I have been there too, where my jealousy and abandonment issues have messed up past relationships.

Now, as my thread posted today shows, the abandonment issues are still there as is the jealousy, but I have begun to fight it stating with those horrible thoughts we jealous and insecure people think about.

In my situation I have to actually deal with my girl living with ex due to circumstance..yikes!! Not a healthy one for a person trying to get over all I have felt in the past.

However, as far as those feelings go I have come to realize they are all just fantasy. I am with a wonderful woman who is very honest and pure and I know and everyone who knows her knows she does not cheat.

That is all fine and well, but it did little when I started to have those fantasy about how maybe they are going to sleep together, get back together etc etc...

Last night as I was in a bad patch, they were building a toddler bed (looong story) and the guy made a joke with a kind of flirty familiarity, which I heard over the phone... which is to be expected, they had two kids and were together six years.

Now, she said she would call after she was done and it was a long while before I got upset and started sending texts, which went unanswered. I started to imagine them building the bed and then maybe having 'you know' on it. I had this done perfectly in my head, to the first little touch to the end and it was burning my soul like a freight train from hell.

After she called and we talked about it, I did not mention that my garbage got to that level, as I only felt it might start pushing her further away. After all, once she was on the phone and I realized how silly I was being I did stop worrying.

I am still learning how to deal with myself but this is not the first nor the last thought of this nature that will cross my mind.

However, with some practice you can start to see how silly the whole thing is. Like you some of this stems from having the wool pulled over my eyes and being cheated on in the past, as well as other factors.

At first it is hard but think about how realistic you are being when you think about this stuff.

Also, last week I found myself waiting for her phone call and saw her in Facebook chat, which made me wonder if she was talking to someone on there as well. Ends up she was reading the stuff I asked her to read that I posted about our situation earlier that day (duh!).

As one of the posters above said, you can stop doing this with a little self talk about how you are being and some will power.

Think about it...even if you find something what if you got it all wrong. And if you do find something bad, it will always come to light and the more secure you are in yourself, the more easier it will become to deal with these situations, for better or for worse.

I am no Zen master but one thing that got me up to par was simple breathing meditation where you try to focus on your breath and nothing else,

Being cheated on also wrecks self esteem so make sure you think of positive things not only about you and your partner but also yourself every chance you get.

Every 'I can't" becomes "I can" and so on...again I have not mastered this but I have done enough to know you can get results if you apply it.

It also brings to mind something I saw on a website when I was researching this same issue: Every relationship is like three pillows..one at each of the partner's feet to represent their space and their lives and the one in the middle representing the relationship you share.

Sound hokey I guess but it is true, also know you are not alone in feeling like this and it is just a natural defense thing, but one that does more harm then good.

Hope I helped, I wish you well...