I am also so far underground the last month or so. Out of desperation I sent an email to my T (the one who has banished me for 6 months) praying that he would answer me and maybe have a referral.
In shock today I saw that he had indeed responded. Before I even opened it, I was crying hysterically. I realized how much I have missed our sessions and having him there to talk to, no matter what. He had no specific referral, only to come to the hospital if I feel too self-destructive and that he would forward a copy of our contact to my doc up there.
I couldn't stop the tears or the pain. I need to talk to him so badly and his rejection causes me more pain than just about anyone else's. Right now with work issues and other things, I seriously need
him and the fact that it doesn't matter to him just rips me into pieces.