Actually I have done things both ways. When I am on antidepressants I'm basically pasting on that smile Im ok attitude because I feel nothing and know its what some people expect from me. But then SKR a past therapist told me she did not want me to paste on a smile just cause others expect it. I still did it with a select few for example a DHS caseworker because if I wasn't smiling and agreeing with her she ordered up another Comprehensive Psychological Evaluation just to make sure I was not hiding anything and so on.

But for the most part everyone in my life knows what they see is what they get and if they don't like it they know where my door is and how not to call me and so on because it was hiding and stuffing my feelings, emotions, and not taking care of when bad situations happened to me that is the reason why I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD, Depression, Self injury and suicidal behaviours now.

So now people expect me to put it out there regardless of if they are going to like what they hear or see or not..

Something along this line of thinking happened today in the depression management class that I am in right now. My therapist LL is the main facilitator and there is a person doing internship with the agency that is attending the group helping LL.

Well the first question during check in is name and and name of your therapist. LL has other clients besides me in the class so naturally going around the room during check in lately the first question has been including people saying whether or not they like their therapist.

When it was my turn I looked at LL and said - "Im not sure if LL wants me to say what I think of her" She smiled and said "Its you're check in" (She already knows what I think of her but the rest of t he class didn't)

So I said right out when I first met her I thought she was a stiff with potential, about a month and a half later I thought she was an A@#$%&* but now after being with her for 2 years we make a great therapy team and I think shes terrific.

My saying this got a combo of gasps, and laughter and shock. I looked at everyone and said LL already knows this and LL put the thumbs up and said "Its all good. ____ and I have a very open relationship"

Im this way with everyone - my doctors, LL, my friends and everyone else that I know and I have been told by each and every one of them that they are glad that I am not sugar coating, and pasting on the smiles and so on. They want me to be me no matter if I am happy sad, excited and so on. And they respect me even more now what I am like this - showing them the 100% truth not the fake smile got to be happy just because people want me to be kind of thing.

Im sorry that people in your real life are expecting smiles and fakeness from you. I hope some day you will have some people who will accept you even when you are depressed and so on.

Hang in there