I just wanted to share with you guys today that I am 7 years clean and sober. The last substance I put in my body occurred on July 31, 2006. August 1 is my clean date.
Today I will be gardening, going to the food bank, enjoying time with friends, eating some of the surprise cake my partner made me, attending a yoga class. My life is very different today. Mental illness, personality difficulties, relationship stuff, family stuff, it all still exists. But it is so much more different, so much more manageable.
I remember the hopelessness. The struggle. The sickness.
I remember the self-hatred, the loathing, the despair.
Anyone in any of those places...I am thinking of you today. I encourage you to message me if you need someone to talk to who will just listen and not judge you.
I encourage everyone here, no matter where you're at, to just keep going. It goes up and down. It's not a perfect journey. There have been so many times in my recovery where I have questioned why I bother staying sober at all. But of course I don't have to go very deep inside myself to find the answer to that question. Whatever I am going through, it could immediately be made a hundred times worse the second I pick up a drink or a drug.
Life is not boring in recovery - anything but! I am constantly confused and overwhelmed by the variety of choices and events available to me now, by my capacity to experience them now.
Keep going. Don't give up. Whether or not you're sober or clean right now. Keep going. Don't give up.
If you are sober, and struggling, I have a story for you.
I received word last night from a close mutual friend that another friend we know, who had something like 5 years clean and was working as an auxiliary counsellor at the recovery house we went through, relapsed on meth, moved back in with her abusive ex, and is now being abused again on a daily basis, and won't talk to anyone.
Keep going. Don't give up. Yes, it can be better, and it can always get worse.