kazza,
Something that really helps me is to always keep my eyes open. Whether it is hugging, kissing, or any sort of intimate experience. I am married to a wonderfully supportive, caring, compassionate and gentle man. He know more than anyone about my abuse as a child, and he knows that intimacy is difficult for me sometimes. Keeping my eyes open keeps me grounded in the present. Helps me to know that what I am experiencing is real, invited, wanted, needed, and that it is OK to feel the pleasure I am feeling. He keeps his eyes open too, and looks into mine and tells me he loves me. I have still had dificulty sometimes, but staying grounded helps to alleviate difficulty a lot of the time.
Hope this helps.