I've tried to be really proactive and really turn things around in the past year.

But, having been sent to a partial hospital program last year for a couple of weeks just destroyed my self esteem.

Honestly, I have told several people, including my therapist and new psychiatrist (not the one who sent me to the program), that I don't think I would feel any lower if I had committed a crime like rape or murder. Harsh, I know, but being brutally honest, it's how I feel. Like this somehow makes me beyond redemption, both in my own mind, and in the eyes of people if they some day find out this information about my past.

And, that is always there in the back of my mind, no matter how many good things I have done in my life since then. And, it hurts.

I never was "in trouble" in any way in my life, not legal trouble, not financial trouble, no substance abuse, no addictions, nothing like that. I was always the good boy who did what he was told, towed the line, did what people wanted of him, worked hard and put aside any sense of self, really.

Now, I am living for myself, and loving it. Except for this enormous sense of shame, guilt, and despair that, no matter what I do, I will always be the guy who spent time in a psych program, even if it was technically outpatient.

And, I know, this is a horrible attitude to have -- brings up every bad bit of stereotype and stigma out there.

How can I shake this? Is there hope? I just want to be at peace with this -- I know I can't forget, but can I forgive myself?