((Teen Idle)),

What your family experienced is "so traumatic" to all of you. And with PTSD, there is so much anger and "frustration" and sense of loss that is so hard to explain. Your mother may be "more verbal" but I am willing to bet she has a lot of "internal confusion and anger and loss going on too".

You say you "hate" the therapist. Perhaps you should write down what you dislike so much about her or him. A therapist often can be "condescending" or react to a patient in what they "think" might "help" the patient. That happened with me for a while until I could finally verbalize more to my therapist and he began to see how "complex" I was and he changed his demeanor that was so much more "helpful" to me. He explained that often his patients need to be sort of "spoon fed" and they don't really go off and think and learn and research like I was doing.

For a long time I didn't talk about my childhood either and finally when I did talk about it a lot of things came forward that have a lot to do with "why" I developed PTSD and that I also suffer from "complex PTSD".

What I can say about PTSD is that it is very "self absorbing" and often very exhausting too. It truly takes time and "lots of patience" in the healing process.

I am glad you found PC where you have access to others that struggle too and you have a place to "vent" too.

I take things "one day at a time" and some days I do fairly well, yet some days I still really struggle, but not as bad as I used to, I understand it better and I am not as hard on myself.

PTSD depression is different from regular depression too. PTSD is an anxiety disorder and it can be "exhausting" some days and that turns to depression. Talk therapy does help a lot, but it takes "time" and lots of "self care".

((Hugs))
OE