the stigma of living with mental illness is difficult to overcome. I know when I was committed against my will, they put me in handcuffs to ride in the police car. I was escorted out of the building in handcuffs in front of all the other patients in the clinic. it was terribly shameful. I questioned what I had done so bad that I had to wear handcuffs. it was just a silly rule that impacted me greatly. but being locked up was the first step in accepting that I was truly ill and needed to do something about it...taking meds. I am no successfully on meds and see life completely differently. I look at my time in the hospital as time I took to take care of myself, nurture myself, take a break so I could gain skills to get better. a necessary step in getting better because I couldn't do it on my own. I see it as a positive thing. I couldn't be where I am today if I weren't there back then. I hope you can come to peace with you past.