i thought about volunteering but i really need at least a few people to even talk to to get grounded enough to do something like that. i dont feel well. what im saying is this being alone is makng me more and more unwell. it would backfire if i jumped up and did something that required serious responsibility if im not already doing wwell. becuz it has before. i jumped into school and had an episode there. at both schools. jumped into a job many years ago and i had an episode there after two weeks. lots of other stuff too.