I can relate to some of what you are saying. My depression seems ever present but has recently lifted a bit though medication.

However I have had the feeling of missing the depression. It had been so much of my life that it was weird to not be their so strongly. When I'm not in bed most of the evening then I didn't know what to do with myself.

When my body didn't feel like I was walking though jello it just felt weird. Depression takes so much of our lives that without it can be a huge change. I too missed my depression as in missing the patterns of my life that I had lived for so long.

It is so very painful that I don't ever want to be as low as I have been before. It scares me a lot that it will happen again. I feel better, my pdoc says I'm still depressed but for me I'm happy about having made this bit of progress.