Call someone! Keep yourself out of the bottom of the pit if you can. http://suicidehotlines.com/wisconsin.html Spend your "free time" talking on hotlines and talking and talking. That's a master listing of all hotlines in WI I think... not just for "suicide."

You are triggered by the anniversary, imo. You can't totally win over it, but don't let it win over you... it won't be this bad forever, it will break.

PTSD is doing this, this isn't you, and you don't need to react but to do more self care right now.