I'm sorry to hear that you are having a bad time. I know that sometimes things seem to be stacked against you. It's really disheartening when that happens.
You don't mention anywhere whether you are getting professional help. If you aren't then that is the first thing to do. Get a physical checkup to rule out any underlying health issues then see a psych specialist for treatment. Most people find it difficult to cope with depression alone. It's much easier if you have help. Maybe therapy would be enough for you. Maybe you need medication as well. It's very important to see your depression as a disease. That can open you up to doing whatever it takes to get better. You see so many people who are in the same situation that you are in. That's why it's so good to be in this forum. There are so many forums as you know. I saw some of your poetry and I like it a lot.
So post here as often as you want and we will listen.