Thank all of you for your replies. I very much appreciate them. The past year of my life has been... Surreal is about the best word I can think of. If someone had told me back in May of 2012 what would happen in the following 14 months -- the triggering incident, my breakdown, misdiagnosis by a very problematic doctor as I found out after the fact, months wasted taking a drug that did nothing for my mental health but caused some very serious physical side effects, spending time in a day program very much against my will, having a great deal of fallout in all areas of my life -- I would honestly have told them they were either drunk or high. I just never saw myself as the kind of man who would "be in crisis" as it was referred to.

Which in itself is interesting. I certainly have learned a lot about MH/MI since all of this started. Stereotypes, stigma, and prejudices run rampant in society. George H, I am glad you made the comment about "perceive it as a weakness in ourself even if we wouldn't put that stigma on other men." Because I don't, at least I hope to God I don't. I went to this day program very much against my own will and better judgement, I did it because I caved, and I was truly afraid that if I said no, I would be getting that knock on the door from the cops at 3 am, or have them show up at work and drag me out of the building while 9 floors of office workers, hundreds of people, watched from the windows. My biggest priority at that point, in that second when my world turned upside down, became secrecy, cover-up.

And, I was told absolutely nothing about what the program entailed, what happened there, etc. I had almost 4 weeks from the day I was sentenced until the day I had to show up, and that just dramatically ramped up the anxiety. Showing up there the first day was rough - I felt like everyone was staring, and I honestly thought I might be searched, escorted by security, maybe even out in handcuffs or something. And, I honestly thought that I was going to be shot up with enough drugs to take down a rhino, so that all I could do was sit in a chair and drool on myself. I told the people running this program that I had no informed consent because I was never informed, and they were all "well, you should have gotten this, this, and this to read and sign ahead of time." Well, another systems failure there, guys.

So, to address something that Grayleggg alluded to - I have really mixed feelings about the day program. Hate the fact that this is always on my record, worry about what that information could do to me some day if became known. Went there terrified, AND with the attitude that I was basically a POW, held by the enemy, determined to resist in every way possible. Here's a large bit of my own preconceived prejudice/stereotype coming through - Thought I was going to be thrown in with street people, maybe felons or something, and I was literally worried about my physical safety. That I would see all manner of horrific things. That I was going to be locked in and at the mercy of the staff. I expected 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" - because that was my mental image from pop culture of a psychiatric ward.

So, when I calmed down after a day or so, it actually wasn't so bad, and was pretty eye-opening. One thing which surprised me - a lot of career people like me - bank loan officer, school teacher, an IT professional for a Fortune 50 company, a physical therapist, a retired Army Major, even an ordained minister. Several college kids. Also, no drugs to make you loopy or sedate. No locks - free to come and go, especially at breaks and lunch hour. So, first observation - "it" can happen to anyone from any walk of life.

When I finally dropped most of the attitude, I found out that group therapy really was valuable. Had an epic bad session on a Friday, which was all about me, I really broke down, a lot of stuff from the past came up, and it had a profound effect, made me fight again for myself. The guy who lead it was very good, and that must be a tough job, dealing with so much pain.

Definitely a weird experience.