Trigger Trigger

I haven't cut or burned myself in so long...I thought I was over all the negative crap in my life....until this breakdown....actually..I kept it drafters for years until I went to a rehab in 99 and moved into a MICA halfway house....I couldn't drink there and didn't know how to deal with all these emotions,so one night I was looking desperately for something to cut my ARM..not suicidal,there's something about the physical pain....in a way it relieves my emotional pain....I could handle physical pain I just can't handle emotional pain....its something I can't see...I always cared for my physical wounds myself...I'm not saying its right,because You are correct,that night I couldn't find anything except a pair of scissors I used to make collages,,,,I put a towel under my ARM...I wanted the emotional pain to stop,I was hurting inside...I grabbed the scissors and stabbed my forearm.....its strange because i felt relief....not pain...I wrapped my ARM in the towel So as not to bleed on carpet and asked staff for a band aid...said I cut myself with a pair of scissors...it was around midnight....she got the band aid and wanted to.see...I removed the towel which was drenched in blood...she said ,Dave what did you do you need stitches....she took me to hospital...first time I cut my forearm and had to get stitches at a hospital...I took care of my upper ARM so many years on my own....that's when people found out I would cut.....they didn't understand,and sometimes I felt I deserved the pain for something that happened to me when I was younger.....also I do 10-20 pushups at a time and lift weights throughout the day till it hurts especially when I'm frustrated cuz no woman wants to be with me....