Lux, abuse is not love, but love does feel powerful and needs to be nurtured over the long haul to retain its spark (much like life itself). Abuse is a form of emotionally intense attention - it is NOT the kind of attention that teaches a person they are worthy of respect and kindness! I suspect that even negative, painful attention is in a way less frightening and demoralizing than cold, absolute indifference for most of us.

Genuine love is comforting, tender, scary (because it requires mutual vulnerability due to honest shared caring), warm, supportive, exciting - and most of all consistently present. It proves itself worthy of being trusted. You need to have your trust built up - earned, really - by people treating you with consistent, patient respect and caring so you can feel worthy without being hurt again. Real healthy love encourages you to trust and love yourself. It teaches you two things - that you are significant, and that you merit kindness and respect without a ton of conditions.

Others have their own issues - everyone does - which tends to get in the way of that consistency you need. All I can advise is trusting while protecting your own boundaries - being clear on your needs and rights. This is a balancing act for everyone, it takes practice and insight.

As for interacting with you, it doesn't take time out of my life - it adds to the pleasure and meaning of my time. I genuinely care about what you think, feel, your welfare.