I touched on this in another forum, but today I am attending the going away party of one of my best friends. My ex who quit talking to me and gave no reason will be there with his gf and so will an old flame who said he liked me but couldn't have a relationship (who is in a relationship now). To top it off, I pretty much broke things off with the guy I have been seeing last night. I can't handle being emotionally involved with someone who doesn't know what they are doing in life and can pick up at any moment and move. He almost moved away when I was in Europe and decided to stay at the camp he is at for 3 more weeks. He doesn't seem as hurt as I thought he'd be. I thought I really mattered to him.

So, today will be hard. I don't know how to pretend I'm not hurting and I feel so so disposable. Everyone seems to want me as a "maybe if I find nothing better to do". The worst part is, he was my last chance. I'm not attracted to anyone else in my city. I'm looking at a non romantic and sexless year ahead of me.

I have no one to talk to. I hate all the stupid things people say to try to make you feel better/move on. I'm out of fish in this sea and NO ONE is going to transfer in their senior year and I'm not going to meet anyone new because I am established in my habits.

How do I accept that I have to be alone and watch everyone else happy together and deal with everyone pressuring me to find someone and get laid. I feel so undesirable and worthless.