my friends care a great deal about me and the issues that I am having but some days are better then others for me around people I know.

my manic depression makes it really hard for me to be around other people in general especially due to the fact I have rapid cycling manic issues.

today I was out with two of my best friends and I had not gotten a lot of rest or a lot of food last night due to I was pet sitting for my neighbor and had not gotten a lot of rest due to her kittens keeping me up all last night.

also where I currently live with my mother is a very negative environment and its not a good place for me to come back home to a lot of the time.

I am trying to get out of the habit of thinking negatively about things so much in my life but its very hard to do that when the people I am around are very critical and negative themselves.

so when I went out of with my friends there was a lot of things that were bugging me, and it was working on my depression and them poking fun at me now and then slowly began to work on my anger, Which eventually I snapped and then they both snapped at me.

I have come very VERY close a lot of times to losing both of them as friends to me in my life, and the thought of losing these people that are this close to me utterly horrifies me completely. I am not used to having friends in my life let alone friends that are this close to me as well.

and I hate that I hurt them as easily as they hurt me.