I agree with being honest, because with what it the reality of what you mentioned, they can accept that you were....

Arrested but NOT Convicted, due to a domestic incident with your husband 20 years ago.

Most of these places and programs will run a police check, as it is. No convictions, is a GOOD THING!!! It was domestic, it will be verified, along with the story, included, if they dig that far back, but if you withhold, they find it, turning the other cheek may never actually happen.

Hope all goes well