I'm just like you ! ...Sorry. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be but that was kind of amusing. I have a lot of the feelings that you described like, feeling like everyone hates you, then having the revelation that you're non-existent and then feeling you're a narcissistic prick. And same with sort of feeling like you almost wished nobody cared so that you could self harm and.. nobody would care. But that would obviously backfire in the long run because NOBODY CARES. Therefore, you care even less and eventually give up.. So in a way having people that care for you is a good thing.

Lol and if it is any consollation at all, i like you !