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Originally Posted by spondiferous
I don't have bipolar, but I have depression, and I haven't had a bad one in awhile but I'm getting into another one now I think. I can't take SSRIs so really exploring medication for me is not an option. I am on Wellbutrin and Epival but really I'm pretty sure they don't do ****. I want to come off of them entirely and find an herbal/natural way to approach mental health (acupuncture/massage/aromatherapy/herbalism/meditation/mindfulness/DBT/whatever).
I do what you're describing. As someone else mentioned, it helps calm me down. Oddly enough, when I'm planning my death I'm not actually thinking about carrying it out. I'm just locked in a fantasy like any other fantasy, and then I usually end up forgetting what I was thinking about. I don't think there's anything weird about it at all but if it gets to the point where you're like 'Hey that sounds like a good idea, think I'll try it' you should probably call 911 or suicide prevention or a crisis line or something.  |
Yeah, I get kind of a thrill just fantasising about it. It's just a calming thought... But sometimes it's scary. Like when I feel bad but I have to ride in the car. I always envision myself opening up the car door on the highway, unbuckling the seat belt, and jumping out. I hate it... I haven't gotten that to stop yet and so I've avoided going in the car too long without being really distracted. Somehow my mind always wanders...
I just started medication a few days ago... I hope it works without totally messing me up. I've also heard horror stories of people gaining lots of weight on this pill... If that happened I really would kill myself. I hope I lose 20 lbs, like some people have reported!
But I mostly just want to feel less depressed. That's the least I expect from it.