I remembered this morning that I had joined this site. I hope it's to my survival.

Today I am suffering from a very strong compulsion to die. I have been fairly level for a while and in therapy for over a year. But this morning and part of yesterday I am so depressed and suicidal.

It's been a while since I have felt that way and I am caught off guard by it.

I feel like I am going to carry this sudden and awful pain around forever. And I don't think I can bear that