is it bad that I'm mad my blade is no longer sharp? It doesn't do any damage... I suppose it's good in terms of not allowing me to fulfill the SI urges, but it frustrates the hell out of me. I wanted the release. Can't even remember the trigger at the moment, just the frustration of not getting anywhere...

I feel so totally different than I did earlier today. I was on the happier side of things, then the sludge from behind the wall seeped through. I feel like a different person. This version of me sees no reason to stop. ugh!